Poetry, zine (2021)

_{Artist: Annabelle Guetatra. // Work: Red tears (2021)}

i’m trying to make sense of my ‘self’

Q. How many times can our consciousness change?
Does it adapt to every bit of information we feed it?

Every spoken word, every image, every thought.
That which we carry from birth.. that slowly, surely collects..
Does this propose a single point of emptiness?

I’ve torn myself in so many ways,
scratching the surface of one’s discontent to discover the would below
suffocating on emptiness,
replacing the empathy between us
to exist in my original self
beckons uncontrollable forces
that lead to my destruction prematurely

fight the limitations of our methodology of thought
through the mythology that frames consciousness

call it retrograde
but stagnancy courts
directing will in an inward direction

I struggle to find myself in roles society asks of me
I frequently have emotional breakdowns,
depressive states,
and lose faith in myself & humanity

Track your mind from an inception point,
it comes from a feeling

Where are your attention deficits?
the ‘good’ and the ‘firm
might be intolerable to your imperfections
anxiety addles oneself through waves of condemnation,
situationally addicted to victimhood
incapable of making sense except through one’s own intense uncomfortability

incomplete beings
capitalism creates circumstances
by which we can complete ourselves
but only temporarily

[symbolism to the hapless one that stands amidst that mighty chaos]

foundational to my unlearning is the ability
to both accept & let go
in one smooth movement
each arising as an opportunity

With this,
i find my weakness,
my very core trembles,
an intimation of necessity

Cut through
coercion
infallibility
and incomprehension

By showing up
in your ray
of colour
so unique
and untold

Here, I leave you with
a challenge for anarchism:

routines have been put in place for personal security, comfort & wellbeing
how do we combine this with…
the drive/fascination/inspiration
of
revolutionary
political
spirituality <?>

in the end,
all this must take place
in a realm

deeper than words.